My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other
last year one night me and my old roommates were all playing twister and mike was on the spinner and halfway through the game he kind of mumbled to himself “i sure hope im calling these right” and then everyone in the room simultaneously remembered that mike was colorblind
Person: "Ça va?"
Other person: "Ça va. Ça va?"
Person: "Ça va."
percy and jason meeting (expectation)
percy: can you fucking not
jason: did you just breathe my air
percy and jason meeting (reality)
percy: ohmygods i love your hair where'd you get it done?
jason: aw wow babe thanks, at the salon down in new rome